Sunday, February 20, 2011

Clearing the Air

Chili, the breakfast lunch and dinner of champions
 Sorry ladies, but the outdoors has always been a manly pursuit, full of testosterone and muscle.  Fly fishing is a robust, lantern jawed, bare-chested activity, best pursued after a day of lumberjacking.  Just ask Brad Pitt.  We know that this is why more and more women are joining us out there, following us around like lost puppies- you've discovered the studliness of it all, and in some feminine fit of knee weakness you've bought some waders, thrown on some lip gloss and joined us out there.  Don't ever call us dogs again- we know what you're up to.

As a man of the male species I do need to address a certain manly issue, that of male personal odor, so ladies- be a dear and run to the kitchen and grab us a beer.  Is she gone?  Good.
Being manly, we men don't like a lot of frou-frou- we want things plain and simple.  Yet personally, I don't want to stink.  The notion of perfume is too feminine, and cologne- do you really want to wear something named after a German city with a French name?  Do the Germans smell that good that we want to emulate them?  I think not.  Body spray? Please, it sounds like a bad encounter with a skunk.
My proposal- introduce a line of masculine scent products known as manfumes.  I mean really, this is perfect- it has the word man right in it, in case anyone had to wonder where that aroma was coming from.  Manfumes- the very word conjures up the image of studly aroma and all that goes with it.  My eyes water just a little thinking about it.
Now I'm sure you're saying to yourself-  "this has already been done- I'm already working on it".  Of course you are.  Why hasn't it hit the marketplace then? 
Honestly, my brother may be the originator of manfumes.  He's working on them constantly, usually after some chili, brats, and cheap beer.  Why this is necessary to the creative process is beyond me.  Still, if you're around him, you never have to wonder if he's got his manfumes on.  My brother is a very generous person and loves to share his manfumes with anyone near him, but he is also very modest, so I don't see him going into mass production any time soon- at least I hope not.  That kind of fame could ruin a guy, as could the groupies.
In the end, I don't think that manfumes are something that can be manufactured in a lab- you'd lose that essence of man, and all you'd have left would be fumes.  I think it's something some guy is going to have to stew up over the course of several weeks in the wilderness, eating bad food, tramping miles in his old hiking boots, wearing the same clothes, sleeping in them in his ratty old sleeping bag.  It's only this kind of process that can result in true inspiration.  Let's hope he doesn't inspire too deeply.

I'll have to end it here- your woman is probably back with your beer.


  1. Pssst, Jason. I hear ya bro and I'm with you all the way. Wait I hear footste...gotta go.

  2. This blog stinks! I thought it was going to be a recipe for cooking fish or at least chili by the looks of the bowl on top. Go get your own beer.

  3. @Patricia-LOL, ok then, such are my sad attempts at humor. My recipes are over on the Home Cooking Network. ; )

  4. I never follow manfumes (dah)...and don't wear lip gloss!!! Just like wading in the middle of a river catchin' brown trout!! And the chili looks great...would you pass the Fritos, please?

  5. @Damsel- that's my secret recipe- I think I can take the cook-off at the OBN convention. I have a hunch that Cofisher has his own secret recipe that's pretty good though. Owl Jones will claim he does and it will turn out to be a can of silly string or something.