Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Oh Brother, Where art Thou?

I feel like an old man waking up in the middle of a conversation.

I've just found out who Kirk Werner is.  And now he's gone AWOL.

He's the author of the above blog, and the author of this post: http://unaccomplishedangler.com/2011/01/fly-fishing-needs-dirty-harry/ which is about the funniest thing I've ever read.

At the risk of alienating my readership, I'm going to do a little speculating as to his retirement and whereabouts- there's a $50 gift certificate at stake.  Feel free to let your eyes glaze over and roll back in your head.  Or better still, click on the link above and get some actual entertainment.
From the couple of posts I read besides the above, I take it Mr. Werner loves to write and fish, and lives in the Pacific Northwest.  Steelhead seem to be high in his list, which rules out the Great Lakes, which are frozen solid this winter and currently recieving the worst blizzard in decades.  Plus, it's easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than get a left coaster to fish steelhead in flyover country.
Mr Werner is also the writer of a series of childrens books- Olive the Woolly Bugger.  I've actually seen these in my neighborhood bookstore, and must admit that my thoughts about them were a little uncharitable.  This was before I had read any of his work.
My guess- that he's disappeared into some remote valley to write Judy-Blumesque novels for adolescents.  Something along the lines of "Rose the Steelhead Smolt".  It will of course be along the lines of the changing life of a steelhead parr as it smolts, abandoned by its parents at birth, dodging predators, joining a school, then heading to an urban area to eat or get eaten.  Along the way she makes friends, meets some young bucks, experiments with dioxin.  Through it all she never gives up her dream of returning to her home waters with lots of silver.  Or chrome.
He could just be laughing himself to sleep knowing that somewhere out there, people like me are staying up trying to finagle fifty bucks in his name.

Curses on you Kirk Werner, you'd better be working on that Dirty Harry script.



  1. First time to your blog. Came to read your Unaccomplshed Angler MIA post.
    Like the name of your blog. I may be one of the few that needed no explanation... I'm a biology/natural history nerd and know lots of useless scientific names. Well, sometimes they're useful.
    I'm going to be making a trip to the UP this summer. Maybe you can recommend a stream or two for fontinalis?

  2. No doubt the Unaccomplished Angler is grateful for your concern, and certainly the author of the Olive the Woolly Bugger books is curious as to what specifically was the initial basis for your less than charitable thoughts regarding the Olive books? In the UK the term "bugger" has a somewhat different meaning than here in the states, but I doubt that was it...?

  3. My first time also Jason, but I don't think the last. Sherlock Holmes and Watson would be proud of you and Jay. I think you must be close to have drawn out the missing UA. Keep up the good work!

  4. @Mr. Werner (whom I shall be calling sir)- perhaps I'm dispassionate about children's books, more likely, more likely that I was traumatized somehow as a child by... oh nevermind. It was a snap judgement made without ever having picked one up, and before I was aware of who you are. I'll go back to my cave now.

  5. Mr. Fontinalis,

    I resent being called sir- only my wife calls me that. You know, the best way to confront issues caused by childhood trauma is to stand in the face of that fear and call it out for a good old fashioned confrontation. It's what Dr. Phil would do: Go buy a book. Sit down with a cheap beer, read it, and then see if you don't feel better. This online banter is too much like coming out of retirement- *I* am the one going back into my cave, sir.