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Hillary Clinton testifying about her contest entry. |
Vermont- In a stunning move, the Pembroke Company has announced
that Hillary Clinton is ineligible to enter their rod giveaway due to questions
surrounding the legality of her email server at home. Pembroke is an
outdoor lifestyle company specializing in outdoor lingerie, fly fishing, and
high end cat litter boxes. Their contest to give away an expensive fly rod was
designed to gather emails for marketing purposes. You entered by submitting a
valid email address.
According to Pembroke spokesman Pete Schoenauer “We really
regret having to make this decision. We really wanted Secretary Clinton to be a
part of our contest. But rules are rules, and not only does the email address have
to be valid, but it also has to be from a legal server. Her home email server
does not meet up to the high standards we set here at the Pembroke Company. She
is hereby disqualified.”
When reached for comment Mrs. Clinton seemed sad but
resigned. “It’s all part of being a political figure. You’re a target all the
time. It’s a shame too- I know it’s campaign season right now, but the bull
reds are in down in Louisiana, and I have a couple campaign stops to make
there.”
She continued “I really would have liked to win that rod.
Bill and I were broke after we left the White House, and the rod rack is pretty
bare.”
We also reached Bill Clinton for comment. “The questions you
should be asking,” he said in his trademark rasp, “aren’t whether her home
email server is legal, but whether she thought it was legal at the time she
signed up for the contest, and the answer is ‘yes, absolutely’, and I back
Hillary 100%. She deserves a fair shot to win that rod.”
When asked if he had entered the contest the former president
answered “I love spring break as much as the next guy, but every now and then
you just need to get offshore and throw deceivers.”
We also contacted rival presidential candidate Bernie
Sanders. “I know what I said about her emails, but you have to draw a line
somewhere. She deserved to be disqualified.” said the self-professed Socialist.
When asked if he had entered the contest he winked and said “Somewhere in
Vermont there’s a brook trout pond named after me.”
Mrs. Clinton’s campaign manager Levi Feinstein added “We
really just want to get all this behind us. It would have been nice for her to
win that rod AND the presidency, but we would have been happy with winning the
fly rod.”
All may not be lost for Hillary Clinton. In a stunning change of fortune, when it was discovered she is a fly angler, over a dozen companies stepped up and added her to their pro staffs.
Had no idea so many high profile politicians were fly anglers hahaha.
ReplyDeleteNothing else relieves the stress of committee hearings.
DeleteIf you lie and cheat and don't play by the same rules everyone else has to abide by, she deserves disqualification. My sources tell me that she hasn't bought a license to fish in 25 years.
ReplyDeleteWe'll have to look into that.
DeleteInteresting news, surprised it broke a day early.
ReplyDeleteShoot. Ain't I a dunce.
ReplyDeletehaha, great post!
ReplyDeleteGlad I made someone laugh. Thanks!
DeleteLOL, The title drew me in.
ReplyDeleteThat's why my next one is about Miley.
DeleteBravo. Love the post. =)
ReplyDeletenice
ReplyDelete